Can you Relate??

An unknown heaviness, hollowness is hovering over the head of my mind. I am trying my level best to hold on.. And I know If I be able to cling on then I will get to pass it..anyhow.. Maybe it would crush me down under its thunderous, horrible grumble and I would be left on the ground in pieces or I would be able to rise and shine in a beautiful sunshined sky… But it will be over.

In several days I feel like leaving everything or everything would be lost from me.. Then I get a cringe inside me.. I feel scared.. Then I take a deep breath that even if it goes away and I can not stop it that means I do not have control over it. But later I think about it.. If it is supposed to go away then it will go.. I will not be able to stop it.. And if it’s meant for me then I will have it with me no matter what.

But … even after knowing and understanding everything..my eyes are welled up and a tear drops down from my eyes... I want to get away from the shackles around me… known as "Blood"... I want to get rid of them... An I wanna fly away like a free bird ..where I will not have to worry about my daily necessaries and I would open a small book shop with a small tea corner in the side with a small zen space area around where one can sit and close their eyes to have a moment of silence, prayers, and healing… In a world where there is peace..in a world where there is no dirt.. In a world where I won’t feel this unbearable, not being able to put in words kind of pain, burning heaviness around my brain.. Where my eyes won't get wet in pain… where I might be alone but full rather than having family in names but in reality is vain…

I feel love for people, I care for them. But no one understands me... And I don't have any energy to put an effort into understanding anything.. Or anyone... I just wait for days to end … and waiting for the infinite peaceful happiness in heaven...

I ask forgiveness to my Lord.. for my every deed.. Which is done knowingly, unknowingly, wishfully or not or for anything... I might be considered a coward in this society… but I just don't feel like bearing it anymore... I ask for forgiveness… I ask for peace... I feel lonely and uncertain... All I crave a peaceful comfortable happy home...